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News
Have you ever heard a conversation that sounds something like this?
Child: “I have a birthday party today.”
Adult: “Yes, it’s at 1:00.”
Child: “I’m so excited!”
Adult: “I know. Birthday parties are exciting.”
Child: “What time is it now?”
Adult: “9:00.”
Child: “I have a party today. I’m excited about my party. I’m going to a birthday party. I don’t want to miss it. What time is it now?”
Adult: “9:05.”
Child: “I’m going to have cake and there will be presents! What time is it?”
Adult: “9:07.”
Child: “We’ll play games and have fun.”
Adult: “Yes, parties are such fun.”
Child: “Who is going to bring me? Can we go the party now?”
Adult: “Not until 1:00.”
Child: “But I have a party.”
Adult: “Yes, we’ll take you when it’s time to go.”
Child: “But I want to go now. Why can’t I go now?”
Adult: “They aren’t ready for you to come this early.”
Child: “When is it 1:00?”
Adult: “We’ll go right after lunch.”
Child: “Can I have lunch now?”
You may not know it by name, but I’ll bet you’ve been exposed to perseveration if you spend time with children who have social challenges. Perseveration is when someone asks the same question repeatedly or fixates on a topic that they can’t seem to move from. For purposes of this article, we are referring to obsessive compulsive thoughts, rigid thinking, kids who don’t understand when a topic has become tiresome to a listener, all those challenges as “perseveration”. The Webster definition is:
perseverate • \per-SEV-uh-rayt\ • verb
1 : to repeat or recur persistently
2 : to go back over previously covered ground
Although perseveration can exhibit itself in physical ways such as repetitive motions, we are focusing on verbal/communicative fixations as related to social skills. Many kids who experience social challenges perseverate and it can be a serious problem when they are interacting with peers. Many times it can be triggered by anxiety or just not understanding the impact the repetitive behavior has on others. For example, if they are anxious that they might miss something exciting, they may ask repeatedly about what time the activity is or repeatedly asking for the time. Rigid thinking can also be difficult in social situations when kids are stuck on their own view and unable to see the other point of view. Several types of disabilities have a perseveration element to them. Regardless of the reason, perseveration can be tiresome and downright annoying to others. If persistent enough, it can hinder friendships. Here are some tips for helping children to manage the need to perseverate:
Some Practical Suggestions (Source for points 1-5: http://www.pwsa-uk.demon.co.uk/persev.htm)
- Diversion. Can you change the subject for him/her? - e.g. "We've talked about that, let's talk about this now." If the problem the child is experiencing is "topic shifting", this should help.
- Reassurance. It may be that s/he needs the answer confirmed, or to hear an answer more than once before s/he can process it and compare it to the original question. When you have answered again, try confirming that s/he has the answer right by asking, "You know that. I told you. You tell me." In this way s/he can confirm that the answer is what s/he thought and also you are indicating that further repetition is not necessary.
- "I don't know" can be an answer too, but some children may have to be taught this concept. They may think that you are just not bothering, or that if they ask again you will know next time.
- Wait. If you cannot answer for some reason, but could find out, put a time limit on. Say, "I'll tell you in 10 minutes", or if s/he can't tell the time, "I'll tell you when the hands on the clock get to ...." and point to the clock, but do make sure you answer then, or this will not work again.
- Demonstrating knowledge. Sometimes the repetition is just to let you know, or to get you to confirm, something s/he is not sure of, e.g. "It's sewing today", "Is it sewing today?", "It’s sewing because it’s Thursday". All it should take to solve this one is to say that "Yes, it is Thursday and that means sewing today." although, as above, this might take more than one exchange.
- Visual Aides. Provide a calendar with the child’s activities and times so they can refer to it instead of asking.
- Reminders. If a child has a question that they ask often, remind them that they know the answer, “Remember, Dad gets home at 6:00.” If they ask “when is Dad coming home?” every day, ask them, “What time did Dad come home yesterday?” Try to get them to think for themselves before asking.
- Coaching friends. It’s OK to tell other children that your child gets a little stuck sometimes and provide them with tips on how to help him/her move on.
- Role Playing. When kids who are exposed to repeated questions in a role play scenario, it may help them to understand why it’s best not to perseverate if they can avoid it.
- Empathy. Discuss other view points with children to help them see how the same thing can be viewed different ways.
- Non-verbal communication. Discuss how people react or help them to study facial expressions to help children identify when they need to move off a topic or question.
With patience and persistent instruction, children may learn to manage the urge to repeat themselves which will help them to form stronger social bonds with their friends and classmates.
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