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| /October 11, 2007/ Back-to-School Friendships: Is Your Child Making Friends This Year? |
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Going back-to-school can be a time of high anxiety for kids (and parents!) If your child experiences social challenges, it's an even greater worry as to how they will get along with peers in the new school year. Here are some tips to help you assess your child’s social life to see if he/she needs any assistance fitting in.
Throughout the school year, check in with your child regarding socialization and ask direct questions. I personally have learned much about the social dynamics of my children’s lives by asking tons of questions that go beyond, “how was your day?” Here are some suggestions:
• Who did you sit with on the bus?
• Who did you play with at recess? What did you play? Did you have fun? Were you comfortable?
• If your child didn’t play with kids that he or she normally plays with, ask why. Sometimes friends can turn against each other and your child may not tell you this is happening if you don’t ask.
• Who are the really nice kids at school?
• Are there any kids who aren’t nice?
• Are you nice to other kids? (Yes, your child could be someone who is being unkind to others)
• Is recess hard or easy?
Should your child tell you anything that goes wrong at school, try to be empathetic so they know you understand. For example, “Geesh, it sounds like recess can be hard at times.” Even if you can’t make it better at least they know they have you to talk to. If the issues involve the harming of others (physically and/or emotionally) or property then the teacher or guidance counselor should be contacted either by you or your child.
Conference time is a perfect time to touch base the teacher and/or guidance counselor to see if your child is connecting with the other kids. If your child is not making friends, perhaps there are friendship or recess clubs that your child could participate in during unstructured play time. Perhaps the school environment is not ideal for your child to socialize in and that playdates within your home or at a park are more conducive to building friendships. Try to identify any new kids that you may be able to invite for playdates.
If your child has social difficulty due to special needs and is on an IEP (Individualized Education Plan), consider adding a social skills goal as an amendment. Social skills goals can take on several forms depending on your child’s needs such as be conversing back and forth x number of times, learning playground games (such as different types of tag, four square, jump rope songs, etc.), or maintaining some level of eye contact to name a few. Additionally, it may help to explain the medical reason as to why your child may seem different from peers. I have done this with Down syndrome and once the genetics have been explained and the students know that they can ask questions, they become more comfortable. In most instances, the kids begin to encourage and support her. An honest, thoughtful chat can remove the “mystery” of special needs and encourage open communication. You can work with the school do this in your child's class or contact Social Smart Kids for assistance (info@socialsmartkids.com).
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